i forgot

It’s a world one might hardly remember

So memorable that one might forget he’s been there

It feels different this time of year but doesn't look any different because it isn't

I am

It’s a dream of spinning fans and reels burning until they stand still

And Im the director

It funnels through my eyes like a pipe spilling drainage

It’s a canyon with little wildflowers on the edges and soft dirt pulling into heaven

I ignore the fact that I'm bored because I shouldn't be so sure

I’ve been sure before 

Squinting so hard that the memory strains and evaporates into sun rays

I pull with it its interest in participating in my mid-life pageant

I disrespect it by being so arrogant to think it isn't solipsistic

Now I stand quietly before a canyon I’ve seen before with no recollection 

It should leave if it wasn't so honest

I would if I hadn't driven some hundred miles just to see it again

I stare blankly like the dying man forgetting his address into the repeating awesomeness

The abyss that likes to claim Earth's creations as accouterments

I take the eye of neut out of my backpack and mix my waterbottle with it

Reciting books I’ve half-read and song lyrics I misinterpreted 

Trying to conjure back the symptoms I’ve let simmer to a rest

Trying to lure back all the feelings I fell for the first time 

My back aches and my lungs reserve the power to keep me winded

The neverending abyss of traveled men caking the dirt in piss

It’s far from reminiscent

It’s changed since our last visit

Cold winds aren't so cold anymore but like an oven door swinging open

The trees and birds sing jazz music in a laundromat full of tourists 

I am making an awful mess of things mixing the past and present

I bite my tongue anxiously

I pull on my hair like it’s growing despite me

I don’t know what to make about it

The landscape

It’s abrasive and forthcoming

No longer blanketing but trying to get off me

The positives passively pardoning the hug because it's been far too long

We’re awkward now, too far gone

Old friends or lovers, I don't know

I don't know what you are anymore

You’re much too real to be familiar

There’s too much dust in the air

But It will come back 

I promise myself that

A spark doesn't die, it only finds a combustible pyre to lay its ash

I'm honest and trust myself because I’ve already promised

All things come back eventually

I convince myself of that

Even if in a faint under draft from the window cracked

Or a cold reject paying its sentiment, evasive because it shouldn't be earnest

It will come back

I'm an example of that

I feel small as the world closes in to collapse 

The stars surround the sun and time slips right off as it did before 

Birds like animals and boulders like monoliths pour into the landscape

The sky is broken

My eyes broke it

The grass is not wet so it cracks under my footsteps and drinks in my sweat

Fancy synonyms describe the vastness and leave out all details with it

I whisper because she hears me regardless

I see you

The rock's aged well and so have you

But my complexion is only a sad reflection of you

She listens 

Her belly sinks into the ribcage as does mine

I place my foot closer to the cliff and she grins as my heart races

Somewhere in the sky are eyes that must interpret

The rocks from a U shape in the old western sediment

And the river below runs red with mud

I see it 

My eyes begin to revive the pretty things that once existed

One more step– I take it

For good measure, just to see it better

The heart imitates the wind bracing for impact and distributes around the monolith

Reigns withdrawing from my hands like a horse rides ahead of them

I give you all of me 

Do what you will with it

Memories of the last time we were here sweep over and past me

A weird light unusual and wide falling from the sky illuminates the boulder in front of me

Fallen by a veil of bridal obscurity 

Defined by mythology and crepuscular rays only breaking apart when a deep crack is met with 

Its deepness absorbs the light like an ocean

If only there were room for me

A place like this that could fit me in its permanence 

But I’m a leach sucking down your curtain 

When I turn my face we’ll both forget it  

And you’re your usual self as always, facetious and yawning at me

 I've been gotten before with that jagged face, but not again

I apply pressure and step again 

The air crackles as it enters through and out my ears

My knees pull tight as if prepping a bow and my feet shift digging into the ground

I'm with you

For now or forever

I speak to the wind

My arms wide like my wingspan and in my mind I am a phoenix in your blazing red-palmed hand

How did I forget you

You’re so beautiful

So hateful

But so am I

I’ll never again be so foolish as myself 

I’ve taken you for granted and spouted words without a mouth

If I take another step…  

I shouldn't

The eager rocks under my feet only holding in suspension

Be careful with me

I’ve heard of comedic relief and there's nothing funny about me

Any moment they could change and I wouldn't remember a thing

So my eyes close loosely

Wings and all I take another step before I can forget it 

Because I don't turn back again

Not yet

The body is lightest when you haven't slept in it

The body rightens because we haven't a choice in it

A wide eye

I open mine and see it

Blissful nothingness raising an eyebrow of clouds to a wind that hardly resists my presence 

The greatest compliment

My fingertips feel everything

Half of my feet hang perfectly off the precipice

I can only describe it with words I no longer possess

And I hope to never find them back 

The bigger the mouth the better it devours the servant 

By a thread, I hang ad infinitum feeling my life flash until it can safely vanish

Until I return many years later with the same proclamation

That announcing disposition

I am curiosity emptied

Unladen and bare

The sun and moon crawl over Empyrean

The red America that kills me in my sleep protects me

I devour you as you me 

I don't forget as easily as I used to

My left foot slides backward and my right shoulder turns quickly away from her

I promise that I dont forget so easily

Her breath relieves me as if I'd been suffocating 

Ballooning my chest until I finally digress

My hollow body suddenly not so invincible 

Returning to a solid bloody commodity

I’ll be back again I promise 

And you won't move so quickly

And I won't either

But I’ll be back 

Stepping like a marching band

And you don't believe me

I don't either

You don't forget so easily

But I don't either